Protecting your delicate brain from YouTube comments
We all know what YouTube comments are like.
Exactly which site boasts the Web’s stupidest commenters is a matter for debate, but YouTube is unquestionably right up there.
You can try to ignore the comments on YouTube; if you’ve got a small enough browser window and don’t page down, you may be able to avoid seeing them altogether. You can also tell YouTube to only display comments rated “excellent (+10 or better)” until it forgets you’re logged in or the cookie’s cleared or whatever. I think that setting leaves a grand total of about eight comments visible on the whole site.
One way or another, though, most of us at least catch a glimpse of YouTube comments, out of the corner of our eyes, from time to time. Sometimes we even look there on purpose, for the same reason people look at other such… things. Every glance corrodes your faith in humanity a little more.
May I, therefore, suggest the Firefox add-on YouTube Comment Snob?
It ain’t perfect, but it’s fighting the good fight.
There are a few Greasemonkey scripts that do similar things. YouTube Comment Cleaner, for instance, and (as I write this) three scripts that replace comments with quotations, including one that hybridises with YouTube Comment Snob, replacing any comments the Snob blocks with quotes from Richard Feynman.
The Comment Snob options…
…remind me of the old Microsoft Word Hidden Settings joke:
By default, Comment Snob doesn’t block comments that include profanity, which of course is not necessarily an indicator of a lack of intelligence.
Except in fucking YouTube comments.
I've noticed that youtube comments seem to have a relatively predictable progression. Complimentary -> claims it is fake -> insults -> Iraq war&9/11
I find though the vids with fewer views and smaller audience tend to stay around the beginning of the progression
Comment by TwoHedWlf — November 30, 2009 @ 4:40 am
I'm reminded of something I wrote a couple years ago, in which I hoped that the way they divide up the tasks at you-tube doesn't leave a person (or a team) with the sole task of maintaining and backing up the comment database. Because being responsible, all day every day, for keeping the Greater Internet F*kwad Long Spew Of Noise Theory Demonstration in operation would cause people to lose their will to live.
Comment by Beige — November 30, 2009 @ 6:04 am
<sarcasm class="just in case you couldn't figure it out">
MY MATE NOS DA BOSS OFF YOUTUBE AND HIS GONNA SUE UR ASS OF FOR SAYIN THOSE THINKS!!!!!!!
YOU FINK YOUR HARD BUT YORE GAYE!!!!!
</sarcasm>
Comment by Matt-S — November 30, 2009 @ 10:49 am
@Matt-s
yeah, well your a stupid REPUBLICAN who caused the Iraq war!
Comment by Jono4174 — November 30, 2009 @ 1:17 pm
fake!!!1!!one
Sorry, but I frequently type (what I believe are) valid comments. At the very least, I've thought about what I'm going to say... and I forget to capitalize the first letter. Sometimes it's just a slip-up.
The "only capital letters" thing sounds like a great idea though.
Comment by evilspoons — November 30, 2009 @ 3:35 pm
Well spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!
wHAT a GRUCKING FATE IDEA!!!one!!!!eleventy!!!!
Swut!
Turlingdrome!
BELGIUM, man, BELGIUM!
Socks aren't vegetables, man they should be WIPED OUT!
10,000 internets for each correct reference.
Comment by corinoco — November 30, 2009 @ 7:53 pm
@corinoco:
The nipple nuts one just *has* to be Kryten... and I seem to remember Lister saying "BELGIUM, man, BELGIUM!" at some point, but it's been a few years since I last watched the boys from the Dwarf... :-)
Comment by Bern — November 30, 2009 @ 9:10 pm
Even without reading anything the look on those poor people's faces tells you exactly what they've just seen on their (or their "friend"'s) computer.
Comment by Shadowex3 — December 1, 2009 @ 3:01 am
@Bern
Your score: 10,000 internets.
1 out of 4.5
Maximum possible score: 45,000 internets.
Comment by corinoco — December 1, 2009 @ 12:09 pm